I Can't Believe It's Over

[jule1122]

I had no intention of posting my thoughts after the finale, and I certainly don't expect anyone to read them. Here they are anyway.



There are a few things you need to know upfront. I was completely spoiled for this season as I have been with every one since season 3. I have watched very little of this season. I have all the episodes, but I've only watched a few of them. I think it's because in the beginning of the season I didn't like any of the characters. They all annoyed me except Justin whose only purpose seemed to be to look pretty and frankly no one does that better. I did watch the bombing scenes; I couldn't pass up the "I love you"s and they didn't disappoint. I turned the finale on just in time to hear Brian tell Justin he'd manage in New York. I cried during their last scene together.

I also have to say I'm so impressed by the unspoiled people on my flist who are taking this ending in stride. If I'd seen this unspoiled I would have been pissed and devastated. I take my fantasy seriously. Shoot me. You are all way more Zen or optimistic than I am.

I am a bit bitter and disappointed for a few reasons. I wanted a happy ending for Brian and Justin. I hate the way Cowlip left them and I do think they were fucking with the fans for fun. My version of a happy ending never included a wedding or a house not at this point. I just wanted security for them and for their last scene to be joyous instead of sad. What irritates me is that Cowlip taunted us with what could have been and then took it away. Don't tell us we can have a ridiculously romantic although maybe unrealistic ending and then stick us with uncertainty and separation. I've read the quote where one of them says Brian and Justin are and always will be together. It makes me happy because I am justified in by undying belief in and love of B/J. But it also makes me want to kick the living shit out of them for not letting us see that. Why wrap everyone else's story in a pretty bow and make us work for ours?

On the other hand I believe 100% that Brian and Justin are still a couple and that their physical distance is very temporary. Cowlip gave us the clues and this is how I choose to look at them. I've always said spoilers don't cover everything until you see the delivery. I thought the 308 reunion sounded stupid, but it's one of my favorite scenes. For me the end of 414 never lived up to my expectations based on the spoilers. So when I watched last night I tried to pay attention to how line were said, facial expressions etc.

The first thing I noticed is that Brian does not mean or believe a thing he says to Justin about not knowing if they'll see each other again or not thinking it mattered. Look at the man - he is so in love and hanging by a thread here. There is no way he's letting Justin go for good. But he says what he thinks he should. Maybe to protect himself, maybe to not hold Justin back. But the point is neither of them believe it. And when Justin finds the rings there is no bullshit excuse. He admits he kept them. They mean something to him and maybe someday they will use them.

I also think the timing of his telling Justin he's the best homosexual he can be is telling. It's after Justin says they don't need the rings and vows to know they love it each other. Yes, part of Brian's comment is about Justin going to NY and following his dreams. But it is just as much if not more about Justin seeing that they can be okay and happy without all the conventions of the straight world. Their love is no less real and strong because the can't marry. It took a lot of work for Justin to get there and I think Brian can take hope from that. This is their compromise. Brian keeps the rings because they no longer threaten him but represent something he can see for himself someday and Justin doesn't need them because he is finally confident in their love as it is. The rest of this scene was sheer beauty and heartbreak and it almost killed me. My one complaint id we are reliving their first time, we should have been allowed to hear Brian shout I love you this time because he so did.

Now on to Babylon. When Brian says it all ended there I think he was referring to the bombing and his confession to Justin. That is when Brian finally got it. It didn't hurt him to admit it, the world didn't end. he can be more than the stud of Liberty Avenue. He can want and have more. The repeated lines from 122 are important to. the last time Michael said them, Brian went to Justin. He took a chance, put aside his pride and went after what he really wanted. I believe he'll do the same now. Maybe he'll make the first move instead of Justin coming to him.

I don't know if the dance scene was a fantasy or not, but it doesn't matter. Either way I saw it as a goodbye, a catalyst for Brian moving on. Especially the way Michael kissed him, but we were clearly shown his wedding ring. They still have Babylon, but they also have more than that. Brian can still love Babylon, but he doesn't need it anymore. I think that scene could show him how Babylon can be part of his life without being his life.

He and Justin are together. They will make this work because it is what they both want and for once they both really know it. I would have preferred for Cowlip to just show that to us, but they at least gave us enough to work with. I'm not sure who will go to who or how long they will be apart, but they are still in love and committed. That much I think is clear.

One questio for people who have watched this episode a lot, in the dance scene after the credits, is Brian still on the podium?

So long and rambling as always, but I'm working toward my peace with this.

Comments

[phluphee.livejournal.com]

Brian keeps the rings because they no longer threaten him but represent something he can see for himself someday and Justin doesn't need them because he is finally confident in their love as it is.

i didn't fully comprehend what was going on with the rings -- (i was too busy sobbing) -- you are brilliant -- that makes so much sense.

The repeated lines from 122 are important to. the last time Michael said them, Brian went to Justin. He took a chance, put aside his pride and went after what he really wanted. I believe he'll do the same now. Maybe he'll make the first move instead of Justin coming to him.

yep. i really believe that they will stay together.

They still have Babylon, but they also have more than that. Brian can still love Babylon, but he doesn't need it anymore. I think that scene could show him how Babylon can be part of his life without being his life.

omg, yes. it's the balance. something he got a glimpse of in 122, but never fully became acualized until 513.

you have so many wonderful insights. I'm going to have to rewatch this ep for all of the nuances.

[jule1122.livejournal.com]

Thanks hon. I usually feel like I'm talking to myself so I'm glad this made sense to you. I think I might be able to watch the season now that I've had to give up on the idea that there was some secret wonderful scene that didn't make into the screeners. I just can't give up on Brian and Justin.

[shadownyc.livejournal.com]

You and I have many of the same overall feelings. While some of my viewpoints on specifics are different (and I go way overboard in my details) the overall feeling is that it is more than clear that this is not the end for B/J, it's just another bump in the road. They've had so many angsty separations throughout the series--this was actually the least intrusive. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. :)

[jule1122.livejournal.com]

I really enjoyed your commentary. I'll have to read it again once I get the courage to watch the whole episode. I will not believe Brian and Justin could be over. There is just too much love there. jule

[shadownyc.livejournal.com]

There is no way they could ever truly be parted--they are like (pardon the corny analogies) Mr. Rochester & Jane or Heathcliff & Kathy. After all, look at the estate that they think is ideal. ;b

[jule1122.livejournal.com]

Not corny at all. Jane Eyre is my favorite book. I just hope Ethan isn't hiding in someone's attic. jule

[shadownyc.livejournal.com]

OMG--that is such a creepy thought. *gags at image*

[westleyo.livejournal.com]

Wow, I don't believe I have read your posts before. Frankly over the years I have become shy of reading posts by people I don't know because they usually don't have the same take as I do on things. I saw the screeners months ago. I hated it then but I also knew then that Brian and Justin would be together forever, especially after watching them make love. I think that the "I do" by Justin in the beginning of the episode was their "ceremony". They are as married as any other couple.

I am still pissed at Cowlip and the more I think about the finale the angrier I get. But I find comfort in your post. My anger has kept me from re-watching the end. In fact I just fast forwarded past most of it. I do see the logic in your analysis. Thanks for posting this.

Brian is not on the podium at the end. In fact he is on the floor dancing with Emmett. It bothered me that he was wearing a different shirt because that means Justin is not home yet. I was sure hoping that Justin would have cut into that dance. Cowlip could have made it happen.

I am going to read your post again cause it makes me feel good. :-)

[jule1122.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I could make you feel better! This ending is hard to accept because it seems so unfinished for Brian and Justin. I hate that Justin wasn't in the final scenes too. But regardless of where they are, their hearts clearly belong to each other. The one thing I can take from their final scene is that the love had never been clearer. And I almost never post except for fic, so you didn't miss much! jule

[jasmineskie.livejournal.com]

I'm feeling a little bit better about the end than I was a couple of days ago. Not so much about the end that was shown, but the end as interpreted by fans who pay much closer attention to the show and draw inferences that I've probably missed. Your post makes me feel better about Brian and Justin, and thank you for that, sweetie. *hugs*

I agree with you about the wedding rings. They meant something to Brian, otherwise he would have taken them back without a second thought. When Justin finds them, Brian's feelings are a raw, open book -- no hiding there. He might have convinced Justin that everything else -- the wedding ceremony, the house, no more fucking every hot guy in Babylon, cuddling -- was to make Justin happy, sublimating his own personality in order to give Justin everything Justin had said he wanted, but there's no hiding that the real Brian wanted that emotional connection, that level of commitment, with Justin too. The rings were symbols of that and Brian couldn't part with them.

You know... being a fan shouldn't be this much hard work. Okay, it's their show and they can do whatever the heck they want with it, but still... if it wasn't for the fans, the show wouldn't have remained on the air for five years. It would be nice if I got the feeling the producers and writers remembered that.

[jule1122.livejournal.com]

I'm glad this post is making people feel better because I wrote it to make myself feel better. I think this ending takes time to deal with and find a way to see hope from it. I loved Brian and Justin too long and too much to let that go. This just didn't feel like the finale for them so I can't see it as the end. They just won't be in Cowlip's hands anymore and that's a good thing.

but there's no hiding that the real Brian wanted that emotional connection, that level of commitment

That is exactly what I'm taking away from the last scene. I couldn't feel that until I actually saw the look on Brian's face. He gets it now; he knows how he feels and there is no way he's letting go of Justin. And we know Justin won't give up.

if it wasn't for the fans, the show wouldn't have remained on the air for five years. It would be nice if I got the feeling the producers and writers remembered that.

I couldn't agree more. But as I said I've forgiven Cowlip Iif I say it enough it might be true). My love for Brian and Justin is greater than my anger towards them. jule

[flashfly.livejournal.com]

Juliet,

You know how I feel about this but just want to reiterate that I am absolutely convinced that they'll be together one day.

It's not fair to Justin to stay in Pittsburgh. He needs to go find out how far he can go and a very mature (thank god!) Brian knows he needs to let him go. For now.

As to who will go to who, I firmly believe Brian will go to Justin. And, in usual Brian style, he will disguise his visit as a fabulous shopping trip.

[jule1122.livejournal.com]

Well Justin left in winter so the Spring Collections should be debuting soon!