There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

[jule1122]

I never know what to put in the subject line so today you get one of my favorite Morrissey songs. Odd choice since I've been obsessing over Depeche Mode lately, but it was the first thing I've thought of. Anyway, I am having a very hard time with life right now which in not really important. However, as I mentioned before, when I get like this I tend to hide preferably by reading. This time I managed to find myself an old and apparently dead fandom to hide in. Really a perfect choice since the authors are long gone and as far as I can tell there is no LJ component. There isn't even an opportunity to leave feedback even if I wanted to. It's an obsessive lurker's heaven. But I think it's starting to rot my brain. I feel like I don't even know how to think anymore.

So I am asking you to give me something to think about. Rec me a good book or article. Send me a list of your favorite quotes. Make me explain my opinion on something. I don't care just help me find something productive to think about. I do ask that you don't rec me something really depressing. I can't handle sad endings under good circumstances right now one could send me into traffic. I realize this is a rather bizarre request, but I'm really drowning here. I've debated several hours about writing this and will probably regret it as soon as I post it, but I at a loss of what else to do.

Comments

[shadownyc.livejournal.com]

Are you looking for upbeat fanfic (quality stuff)?

[jule1122.livejournal.com]

Actually I'm trying to get away from fanfic. I feel like I've fallen into a fanfic black hole. As far as stuff to read I'd say either something non-fiction that would be thought provoking or quality fiction that won't make me cry. Is that vague enough?

[shadownyc.livejournal.com]

My brain isn't working too well at the moment, but there is a wonderful historical bio author who wrote a great bio on John Adams and there's a fun mystery write who has a series called the Plum or sugar plum mysteries (I don't exactly remember but any book store/library worker would know who I meant for both).

[jule1122.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the recs. I'll try to check them out.

[twistinside82.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately everything I read is either kind of heartstring tugging or blatantly angsty. I wish I had something for you though! I'm sending good vibes and virtual hugs your way for sure. ♥

[jule1122.livejournal.com]

I'm sending good vibes and virtual hugs your way for sure

That's the best thing you good do. Thanks so much! jule

[darlulu.livejournal.com]

I'm having a hard time with life now, too. But here are a few things that've made it a bit more tolerable.

A heartwarming article -

Tortoise adopts baby hippo orphan (http://keewick.livejournal.com/42892.html)

A couple of fics -

This 308 qaf gapfillery thingamabob - http://sparkledark.livejournal.com/91096.html - always gives me the warm fuzzies

And this one - http://inkstain.inkquill.net/isf/archive/25/anick.html - which is v.v. long and um, a Harry Potter fanfic (*coughs* sorry 'bout that) is probably my #1 favorite feel good fic 'cause both Harry and Snape revert back to being little kids and get to have loving childhoods and family for the first time ever and it is just the most touching, sweetest thing I've ever read. :))

A vid rec -

I heard you mention Due South before on your lj, and although I've never seen the show itself I saw a vid for that fandom that knocked my socks off, so you might wanna check it out here - http://www.intimations.org/vidding/ - (it's in the left column toward the bottom, entitled 'Zebra.')

And my favorite song lyrics that always make me feel like there's hope even when it seems like there isn't because choosing to live doesn't have to be some epiphany, it can simply be something you choose, a 'line you cross' and you don't have to be 'lost' or 'found'...all you have to do is choose, and that's just really fucking empowering, imo.

After All by Tori Amos

Go ahead, push your luck
Find out how much love the world can hold
Once upon a time I had control
And reined my soul in tight

Well the whole truth
Is like the story of a wave unfurled
But I held the evil of the world
So I stopped the tide
Froze it up from inside

And it felt like a winter machine
That you go through and then
You catch your breath and winter starts again
And everyone else is spring bound

And when I chose to live
There was no joy, it's just a line I crossed
It wasn't worth the pain my death would cost
So I was not lost or found

And if I was to sleep
I knew my family had more truth to tell
And so I traveled down a whispering well
To know myself through them

Growing up, my mom had a room full of books
And hid away in there
Her father raging down a spiral stair
Till he found someone
Most days his son

And sometimes I think
My father, too, was a refugee
I know they tried to keep their pain from me
They could not see what it was for

But now I'm sleeping fine
Sometimes the truth is like a second chance
I am the daughter of a great romance
And they are the children of the war

Well the sun rose with so many colors
It nearly broke my heart
And worked me over like a work of art
And I was a part of all that

So go ahead, push your luck
Say what it is you've got to say to me
We will push on into that mystery
And it'll push right back
And there are worse things than that

'Cause for every price
And every penance that I could think of
It's better to have fallen in love
Then never to have fallen at all

'Cause when you live in a world
Well it gets in to who you thought you'd be
And now I laugh at how the world changed me
I think life chose me after all

Okay, I'll finish blabbing and just add that I hope you feel better soon.

*huggles*

[jule1122.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for this amazing response. I think checking this stuff out will help the day go faster. I remember the pictures of the tortoise and hippo from your journal and the always made me smile. The song lyrics are wonderful. I hope you read them for yourself as you typed them. You have no idea what all this meant to me. I hope you are feeling better soon as well. jule

[darlulu.livejournal.com]

I had to reply again 'cause I just followed this link - http://www.mensa-test.com/ - to a mensa intelligence test and it's v.v. fun and mind-boggling (but in a good way). :)