jule1122

I haven't posted in forever because how many variations of my life keeps getting worse can I put any of us through. However, I actually have something good to post!

I went to Nashville this weekend with my mom to see Erasure. We found a very nice, but relatively inexpensive hotel. We had a goldfish in our room. We drove down friday and came back yesterday so we didn't have a lot of time. What we did see of Nashville was very nice and I'd love to go back. We went to the zoo which was much nicer than any of the ones around me.

Then concert itself was beyond amazing. This was the fifth concert we've been to and by far the best. It was at the Ryman Auditorium which is just beautiful. Apparently Andy always wanted to sing there because the acoustics are so good. He certainly sounded wonderful. Our seat were extremely close and they were filming the show for a potential DVD with the big camera right behind us. The show was all acoustic which is very different than there normal music. They actually had a band. It was so fun to here how the redid all the songs. Some were very country others stripped down to vocals and a little guitar. I loved every single song. Both Andy and Vince seemed very relaxed and happy. I would follow them on this tour if I could just to see it again and again.

One of the best things about Erasure concerts is people watching. There are usually quite a few older gay couples and they always seem so excited to be in such an accepting atmosphere. There's always a few Brian Kinney's. This year's version had perfectly highlighted and styled hair, was dress in all black with his shirt mostly unbuttoned and wore sunglasses until the show started. Following behind him were Ted and Michael. They were about six inches shorter than him complete with geeky glasses dressed in dockers and polo shirts. The other person with them was a potential Justin. He was better looking than Ted or Michael and more in his own space than following Brian. We had fun watching them. They had an HIV/AIDS info table at the entrance. Mom and I stopped by and ended up with a tom of free condoms and lube. I didn't have the heart to tell them I was monogamous, infertile, and on birth control. On our way out the securitry guard told us he'd never seen a more diverse or multicultural crowd. I can't wait for the next tour.

Recently I noticed the font on Livejournal had gotten smaller. At least on my friends page it had. I found this mildly annoying but no big deal. Now I find if I am looking a journal that uses a color background and/or color font I cannot read the journal at all because it is so small. I actually started pasting entries into a word processing program to read them. Does anyone know how to fix this? As you can tell, technology is not my strong suit.

Thank you so much to the anonymous person who left me an LJ rose. So nice to start the morning with a smile.

I never know what to put in the subject line so today you get one of my favorite Morrissey songs. Odd choice since I've been obsessing over Depeche Mode lately, but it was the first thing I've thought of. Anyway, I am having a very hard time with life right now which in not really important. However, as I mentioned before, when I get like this I tend to hide preferably by reading. This time I managed to find myself an old and apparently dead fandom to hide in. Really a perfect choice since the authors are long gone and as far as I can tell there is no LJ component. There isn't even an opportunity to leave feedback even if I wanted to. It's an obsessive lurker's heaven. But I think it's starting to rot my brain. I feel like I don't even know how to think anymore.

So I am asking you to give me something to think about. Rec me a good book or article. Send me a list of your favorite quotes. Make me explain my opinion on something. I don't care just help me find something productive to think about. I do ask that you don't rec me something really depressing. I can't handle sad endings under good circumstances right now one could send me into traffic. I realize this is a rather bizarre request, but I'm really drowning here. I've debated several hours about writing this and will probably regret it as soon as I post it, but I at a loss of what else to do.

Written for carefullykissed, I'm posting it here mainly so I can find it if I ever need to.

Title: Sleigh Ride
Pairing: Viggo/Orlando
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: None
Summary: Written for the 12 Songs of Christmas Challenge. My song was obviously "Sleigh Ride."
Disclaimer: I don't not know or have knowledge of Viggo Mortensen or Orlando Bloom. This story is complete fiction and no profit is being made from it.
Beta: The busy, but always helpful and encouraging miss_ariel
Note: All lyrics quoted are from "Sleigh Ride."

( Sleigh Ride )

Here is the story I wrote for vo_xmas. If you haven't been reading, you should be. The are over 40 amazing stories including "Walls Never Built Or Broken" a positively perfect, long, fabulous story written for me by masian. Seriously, I couldn't be happier with my gift. I am however taking this exchange as a sign I need to avoid them in the future. Of the three times I've written in a fic exchange, this is the second time I haven't heard from the person I wrote the fic for. I guess I don't do well writing to specifications.

Title: Here In My Heart
Rating NC-17
Warnings: none
Summary: written based on soar38's request for Christmas Eve, little bit of angst, hurt/comfort, Viggo and Orlando getting together for the first time, bottom!Orli
Credit: Title taken from the amazing Erasure song of the same name.

( Here In My Heart )

Title: All The Promises We Break (2/2)
Author: jule1122
Pairing: Viggo/Orlando
Summary: Can what was lost be found again?
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Beta: The amazing and wonderful miss_ariel
Credit: Title taken from the lovely U2 song “All I Want Is You.”
Author’s Notes: Takes place in approximately 2010.

( All The Promises We Break )

I finally saw Rent yesterday. It was the first time I ever went to the movie by myself, but I really wanted to see and no else did. It was a small odd audience so I didn't feel too strange about it. I would have loved to ask some of the people why they were there. I remember hearing about Rent when it first debuted and I wanted to see it so much. Seasons of Love was the only song I knew from it, but it came to represent a lot to me especially the idea that there were placed and people who weren't afraid to talk about homosexuality and AIDS fairly taboo topics were I live. I was thrilled to finally be able to see it.

( Rent Spoilers, Thoughts, & Questions )

What is a better soundtrack to get-the original or the one from the film?

Thanksgiving is over so I can start thinking about Christmas. I would love to send cards to those of you who read this journal. I send a lot of cards some to people I barely know so it would make me very happy to send cards to the people who actually make my life a little brighter. I know I haven't been posting or commenting lately, but I haven't forgotten you. Trust me, reading my flist is the highlight of my day. So sign up and I'll send you a card. Comments of course will be screened.

Fair warning to anyone who actually reads this post, you may be frightened by the inner workings of my mind. God knows I am. I've been kind of in a weird place this week and I'm trying to decide if it's just my latent OCD kicking in or if I'm depressed. To clarify I have never been diagnosed with any actual mental illness and I'm just working off similarities in my behavior to these conditions. I am in no way commenting on or belittling the struggles of people with clinical depression or OCD. My entire family is a bit nuts. My father and father are the champs going for stark raving mad, my mother in law is most likely certifiable, the rest of us just rather adorably odd. Funny nuts as opposed to scary nuts I like to say.

Any way, two weeks ago I started writing a story. I was working on it a little every day sometimes a few paragraphs, sometimes a few pages. Really quite disciplined for me and it was going well. Last sunday for various reasons I had no time to write and I haven't looked at the story since. I'm still thinking about it and writing in my head, but I have no interest in opening the file at all. There are two possible reasons for this. If it is my OCD, I blame Peyton Manning. I was watching the Colts/Ravens game sunday night (yes I am a huge sports fan). First half not good very frustrating for Colts in fact similar to a dream I had about them the week before. Second half Payton Manning throws touchdown to Marvin Harrison. Much celebration ensues, Peyton gives little wink/nod thing to Marvin and my slasher brain kicks in. Surely someone has written Manning/Harrison slash, I think.

Monday is spent in a fruitless search. Found some good basketball slash, but nothing on Manning/Harrison. I resume the search tuesday. Still not luck, but I find the wonderful world of Sports Night slash. I am hopelessly hooked and haven't dragged myself out yet. So I'm obsessing over a new fandom. It happens. I'll wear it out shortly and be back to normally, but then there is physics. I hate physics; the only redeeming feature is the math. The one theory I understood was Newton's theory on inertia. The whole object in motion stays in motion, object at rest stays at rest unless acted on by outside force.

I am an object at rest. Seriously, I feel that theory defines my life to some extent and when I become depressed there are very few forced that can move me. I just shut down and I see some signs of that now. The inabililty to write is one because I have the words I just don't care if they stay in my head. I'm not playing with my boys enough, there are a few bills I haven't paid because I don't have the money, but because I don't care. I completely screwed up my birth control luckily I am so infertile it doesn't matter. Speaking of which we went to a baby reunion my fertility doctor had sunday and I had no increased desire to have another baby. This morning was the first time I looked at my flist in 2 days and that never happens. I usually check it several times a day. The only post I read was a new story by jasmineskie which I can't fathom skipping under any circumstances. But before that I was reading my flist, but not responding. Not that I am a great commenter, but there were specific posts I wanted to comment on, but didn't. rhiannonhero had a fascinating post about pregnancy and motherhood I wanted to talk about, phlupee mentioned I Bill Mahr episode I loved and had wanted to share my thoughts, and triskymccloy always posts something I'd like to comment on. But when the time came I told myself I write the comment later knowing I never would. It took me two days to send a simple email even though just like with the comments I knew exactly what I wanted to say.

I'm not sure where I;m going with this other than right now my life has narrowed down to Sports Night fic and I'm not sure why. I've always been a reader. I can't remember a time when I wasn't reading. Since the boys with the exception of a few Jeffery Deaver novels it has been all fanfic. It's just unusual for me to ignore my normal fandoms the way I have. Like most people, I read to escape. So most likely the truth is I'm hiding from something and it is most likely depression. I'm not sure knowing that makes any difference and I apologize for dragging you along this twisted path with me, but I wanted to get something out of my head. I hide to much in there. I think talking to people in my head is a good way to make sure I never talk to them in real life and maybe that includes myself.

On a good note, I saw a commercial for A History Of Violence tonight. I was quite excited. There may even have been some lack of coherent speeching and hand flapping.